FOURTH ASHES TEST - DAY ONE

Phil Hughes started brightly before self destructing.

In summing up the catastrophic (if you are an Aussie) first day of the Boxing Day test, I must borrow the words of a friend of mine when he surmised with a quip via sms that while Perth was the exception, today was back to the rule.

It may have been a fortunate toss for Andrew Strauss to win in order to ask Australia to bat on a pitch showing signs of seam movement under cloudy skies, but this in no way absolves the shambolic batting display by the Australian batsman who showed no aptitude for the task at hand.

Australia remarkably went in unchanged despite the fact that it is suicidal to enter a match at the MCG without a front line spinner. England substituted Steven Finn with Tim Bresnan in order to put a clamp on the Australian scoring and for Bresnan to also lengthen the batting order.

Shane Watson and Phil Hughes strode out purposefully in front of a crowd that was close to 85,000, but short of the record 90,800. Watson took strike first up to Anderson and then proceeded over the next few overs to make the luckiest five he will ever make. Dropped twice, unconvincing, tentative, it came as no surprise when Watson eventually edged off the shoulder of his bat a kicker from Tremlett that ballooned to Pietersen in the gully who much relieved after earlier putting down a chance, accepted the simplest of catches.

In the mean time, Phil Hughes looked in very good touch as he played some positive strokes to advance to sixteen with two boundaries, when he too perished by slicing a catch off the corpulent Bresnan to Pietersen in the gully from an airy square drive to a delivery that was a shade too short and wide to be played in such a manner.

After the first day drama in all the test matches this summer, this was starting to follow a familiar script and nothing surprised any longer, such was the calamitous effort of the Australians with the bat.

After a brace of sparkling boundaries, Ponting joined the procession when he too edged to the slips cordon a delivery from Tremlett that kicked off a length. Swann took the catch and England knew they had Australia back peddling in the overcast conditions.

The next to go was the big wicket of Mike Hussey who had looked the most comfortable of all the Australian batsmen in relative terms. Hussey was defeated by a superb Anderson delivery that took the edge of the bat and flew through to Prior. No sooner had Hussey's replacement Smith made his way out to the middle to join Michael Clarke than the heaven's opened up and play was halted and an early lunch was called. All the more galling for Hussey who would have felt that had he survived that delivery, he would have been in pole position to reboot after lunch and carry the fight to the Englishmen.

Upon the resumption of play Steve Smith, who never looked at ease was dismissed when he hung the bat away from the body and duly offered a snicked catch to Prior off the probing Anderson to leave the Australian innings in tatters at 5 for 66. Smith's innings of six yet again called into question whether this promising young lad is ready to take on the responsibility of batting at number six.

Anderson and Tremlett embrace after their four wicket hauls.

Battling away at the other end all this time was Michael Clarke who along with the in coming Brad Haddin represented the last of the recognised batting in the Australian line up. If any kind of Australian revival was going to occur, it had to take place with these two men doing the bulk of the work many in the crowd would have suspected. Clarke perished however, when he too parried at a ball outside off stump from Anderson to present Prior with yet another catch behind the wicket to be dismissed for twenty.

There was to be no rescue act from Haddin as well today when he flashed outside off stump to Bresnan and edged to Strauss at slip to be dismissed for five. Australia had now plummeted to 7 for 77, but worse was to follow.

Mitchell Johnson followed immediately for a duck when he edged to that man Prior off Anderson. Soon after Siddle and then Hilfenhaus were both dismissed by Tremlett, both edging to Prior to give the latter six catches in the innings.

Australia had been dismissed for ninety eight - an Ashes record low at the MCG by an Australian team. Surely an unwanted record.

This was utterly embarrassing even after you factored in the less than ideal conditions. Simply unacceptable.

The scoreboard tells a sorry tale for Australia.

So Australia took the new ball hoping to wreak as much carnage as England had inflicted, but two things happened. One, Strauss had the pitch flattened out by the roller between the innings as he is entitled to do, and two, the sun had suddenly burst out and the clouds cleared away thus handing England more or less perfect batting conditions.

All that does not account for the insipid bowling performance doled out by the Australians who reverted to their pre-Perth form. No bowler encapsulated this form reversal more so than Mitchell Johnson who just as suddenly as he had rediscovered his ability to swing the ball at alarming speeds with laser beam accuracy, suddenly lost the skill just as quickly.

Strauss and Cook batted with a minimum of discomfort to reach a magnificent 0 for 157 at stumps to walk off the ground with broad smiles and a lead of fifty nine runs over the surely demoralized Australian outfit. Strauss was unbeaten on sixty four and Cook on eighty.

If the direction of the Ashes had been in any doubt before the start of play, they surely aren't now. Only the inspired efforts of Hussey, Haddin and Watson had thus far prevented a complete white wash, but on a day like today when they all failed together for the first time in the series, Australian inadequacies were laid bare.

Tomorrow England will amass a lead in the vicinity 500 and Australia will be put to the sword as a potent reminder of the shameful lack of planning and preparation that was put in by all involved in the Australian camp for this series.